Tag Archive | pain

Real Rescue

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Pain.

Pounding.

Constantly.

Body relentlessly attacked.

Slammed into rocks like driftwood.

Body would splinter if it could.

Tired.

Weary.

Spent.

Washed up on the shoreline.

The waves still lapping-lapping.

It will never stop demanding.

Always.

My.

Companion.

Either move now or return to me.

Your body belongs to me-come stay.

Let me carry its brokenness away.

Lord.

Help.

Please.

Don’t let me give up.

Be my strength through the pain.

Clear my mind-keep me sane.

Lifted.

Moved.

Rescued.

Prayer answered immediately.

The waves no longer reach.

Pain has its own lesson to teach.

God.

Is.

Good.

Pain is a manipulative companion.

Destroying my body but not my soul.

Ending has already been foretold.

Rest.

Hope.

Relief.

Just beyond the waves surge.

God’s hand sheltering-protecting.

No chance I will be forgetting.

John.

Three.

Sixteen*.

    d.f.a.v. 4/2/2014

 

Eternally,

–Donna

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16 N.I.V.

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The Choice

Life for me has been pretty packed the last few weeks with surprises.  Yesterday, one more slammed me to the ground.  Multiple blood clots, multiple pain and multiple shock.

As I lay there in the ER patient room I gave in to many things.

The fears.

The denial.

The pain.

The realization I wanted TO GO HOME.

I wanted Jesus to come into that room and carry me HOME.  In my thoughts were how hard Chris works to care for us and all the things I can’t do for him and Kiana

Then for a few minutes crept in a new solution.  A permanent one.

My prescribed medications were in my purse.  A few handfuls and water all I needed.  It would BE OVER.

ALL OVER. I was tempted.

Yes that was awful.

But is real. It is dark. It was scary.

Fortunately I also made the decision to move on.  Dwelling could have turned it even even darker. So I choose to be authentic.

Life is messy. I got tired, really tired, of the mess. The seemingly neverending mess. As a believer m Jesus Christ I know He is with me every where. Especially yesterday when thoughts of over dosing nibbled at mind.

I’m no hero. I do nothing extraordinary in my faith walk. And don’t want to be anyone one’s inspiration. I am human, my life has messy parts. I give up.

Truth is I believe, I am not alone, others are in our world who think thoughts, or even plan suicide. It isn’t lack of faith, prayer or desire to please God. It is the reality of facing daily a struggle with a chronic life threatening diagnos.

I just choose to be honest.