Tag Archive | living with a disability

Going Back to Move Ahead – #2

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Defined by roles.

By what one does.

The jobs…

Tasks…

To do lists…

Successes…

Failures.
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That’s all you know
Until…
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Even losing a leg,

Wasn’t enough.

Blood clots…

Infection…

Heart damage…

Lung scarring…

Spirit willing…

Flesh says no.

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No matter how you argue.

It is no…

 

You’re lost again.

Without a career.

Uncertain…

Abnormal…

Physically unable…

Home based…

Spirit wounds.
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Count your blessings.

You do…
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Still able to drive.

Mind works fine.

It takes longer…

You get it done…

Disability approved…

Family stands strong…

God has moved.

 

You find value in being,

His daughter…

     d.f.a.v. 10/26/14

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–Donna

Going Back to Move Ahead – Beginning

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That indescribable swoosh –

Belt pelting through loops –

The hard sharp slap of leather

    Doubled on leather –

Split seconds of cowering wait –

Then the sounds have no words…

Silent screams of a bewildered child

Trust forever always gone-

Angry demands to break a spirit –

Secret welts and hidden bruises

Some deeper than could be healed.

 

That indescribable swoosh –

Air leaving lungs no return –

The faraway kind doctors words

    You’ll lose it –

Shattered hours of disbelief –

Echoes of a belt and internal screams…

Just when denial seems to work

Surely he had to be wrong –

Sirens stretchers emergency –

Another closer brush of deaths wings –

No more choice decision made

To live meant the leg must go.

 

That indescribable swoosh –

Of stretcher wheels and scrubs –

Silent seconds while deep sleep

    Comes to invade –

Until the next invasion slams –

Horrific pain disbelief leg gone…

Determination life must go on –

Return to home and work –

A higher mountain everyday

But one God helped me climb.

    d.f.a.v. 10/26/14

–Donna

Invitation to Going Back to Move Ahead – Day 1

The next few days, or week, I am sharing the ugliest part of my disability. The physical ugly. The emotional ugly. The spiritual ugly. Some of the photos may be hard to believe or view. But, this is my life and walk with God. Come on in if you want.
Donna

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Private.
I value my privacy…
My right to not share…
Secrets?
Raised to keep’em…
Don’t tell’em…
Shhh.

Prideful.
Do it myself…
Ask of God…
Allowed.
Ask of man…
Weakness…
No charity.

Lesson.
I have learned…
Still so hard…
Yes I need help.
But the battle…
The scars…
No.
Until now.
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Come in…
It isn’t pretty…
It is real.
God knows…
I don’t want…
You to see.

But if you do.
This is it…
Partly at least…
My life.
Understand…
Imagine reality…
Behind pictures.
d.f.a.v. 10 / 26/14
–Donna

Sometimes, Without Meaning To

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Sometimes, wthout meaning to…
I find life easier if I stay enclosed
Don’t go out…
Pass my time alone…
Or with family…
But mostly alone.
No one stares or whispers…
There’s no looks of pity…
No glance of disgust…
Or moment of judgment…
Arrogance doesn’t reign…
I am free just to be.

Sometimes, without meaning to…
I get lost in my world of pain…
My eyes see torrents of rain…
Or the raging winds…
And my life capsized…
Who I am lost at sea.
Though I determine to battle…
Praying God pulls me through…
‘Tis my burden each morning…
And that of my family…
Who would never admit…
What I cost them.

Sometimes, without meaning to…
The results are too much…
No solution seem sane…
The simpler gets passed…
I wonder if I lost my mind…
Along with my leg.
And the pathway laid out…
Seems incredibly cruel…
Terribly long and wild…
Awfully as if meant…
To torment me…
Though I know it can’t be.

Sometimes, without meaning to…
I forget to be thankful…
That I woke up breathing. ..
That I still have my mind…
My heart can still feel…
And God isn’t finished
With me just yet.
So I go to the rock…
I remember He is Abba…
No other God before Jehovah…
I call upon Jehovah-Raphael…
Elohim Ozer Li…
El Simchath Gili.

Sometimes without meaning to…
I find myself rejoicing…
My voice lifts in praise…
My heart is mended…
Eyes are opened…
And I live.
d.f.a.v. 5-27-14
In gratitude for today,
–Donna