Tag Archive | freed

Truth

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Cynical, hater, liar, thief
The stench of who I am
Repulsive, ugly, awful, sick
Before God how dare I come
How sad His heart in His grief.
That one as blessed as I
Forsake, neglect, forget, deny
The Lord who gave Himself for me
Freely, willingly, planned, bloody
It was for me He died.
Selfish, greedy, vindictive, vain
Of darkest dark of blackest night
Seared, scarred, angry, fake
Yet for me He such degradation bore
Taunted by men held in deep destain.
Yes, yes, oh yes, so true
Even now I give up the fight
Easy, forgetful, vanity, ego
I sin over and over again
Knowing right yet wrong I do.
Reflection, revelation, open, truth
Who I am in my own eyes
Repelling, stench, rotten, cold
Yet Jesus in love and grace
Does not hold Himself aloof.
Tenderly, knowingly, tearfully, free
He finds His daughter everyday
Mercifully, graciously, lovingly, joyfully
He sees me through His eyes
Covered and cleaned He looks at me.
Renewed, revived, restored, redone
By God the Father, Son, Holy Ghost
Reminded, reclaimed, reviewed, released
Despite myself and my foolishness
I remain His child through His Son.
         d.f.a.v. 9/27/13

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39 NIV

“…You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19c-20. NIV

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15 NIV

I am redeemed,
— Faye

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Message to Me

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This is my public forum.  Here I express, confess, ignore, share, hide behind, hide in and expound upon a number of topics.  My goal is to write about what living the life of a Believer is like and about how I live that life even if my only contribution to my local church congregation is as a “pew warmer” these days.

Sometimes I write poetry, share artwork, tell stories, give voice to other people whose testimonies expire me or simply tell it like I see it.  Since it’s my blog, it’s my message, my testimony and my biggest obstacle is ME!

Yes, me!  I can “own” that truth. 

I don’t want to be labeled as a higher than thou Christian.  So I hesitate to say anything that I fear might come across as judgemental. 

I don’t want to be labeled an opponent to any political party, person or platform, so I don’t write about my political views. 

I don’t want to be labeled as pious.

I don’t want to be labeled as a heretic.

I don’t want to be labeled as a reformer.

I don’t want to be LABELED.

Yet, I label myself.  I box myself in.  I limit myself.  I second guess myself, my abilities, my motives, my knowledge, my thoughts; even my own voice.

Why?

Because I am me.

I am the first grader whose mother moved her to the last seat in the last row on her first day of school so the doctors daughter could sit where she wanted.  I am the fat kid so teased and taunted in school she hid in the bathroom to cry.  I am the child whose father ruled with anger and violence.  I am the girl so terribly shy and found friends so hard to make that her families 13 moves in 12 years devastated her every single time.  I am the girl no one wanted.  I am the girl whose innocence was stolen and who never told until the thief died and his threats could not be carried out.  I am the one who has waited in the wings of her own stage, left unpenned her own truth, and unsung her own life.

By these acts I have labeled myself.

For can a 49-year-old woman seriously look herself in the mirror and point at anyone other than herself for what her life is or isn’t?  No, no I don’t think so.

See, my mother placed me in that last row, last seat BUT I have remained there.  Jesus loved me enough to die for me AND I have chosen to think of myself as a person of little worth.

My father beat me, his beatings eventually led me to losing a leg and those events to losing my identity because I CHOSE to make what I did for a living who I was.  The Living Word of God tells me I am the Daughter of God, not a job.

For every act, thought, or deed that a person outside of me did to wipe out me God has done a hundred times more to keep here. I have just been to busy labeling my boxes to understand.

Yes, this is where I am. This is who I am, warts, scars, flaws and all. I do not write like those whose opinions matter too much to me. I do write like me though.

If God’s okay with that, then I am too.

Let it be!
-Faye