Tag Archive | a daughters heart revealed

From the Cottage-by-the-Sea #5, 06/01/2021

O Abba!

Gratitude floods this heart!

The door closes behind me as I sink to the floor,

If not for You upholding me every step,

Practically carrying me through the door,

Regardless of the storm, the war raging beyond these walls,

You’ve seen me home Your love rolls forevermore.

Trying to understand the hurt, the pain,

To listen when people try to explain,

The words are like physical artillery

Their power and cunning cannot be contained.

The hatred roaring like the buildings burning,

The violence of man’s heart unrestrained.

I want to hear, I want Your will not mine,

But, in the deafening overpowering rage,

Abba I find it hard to hear the softest voice,

We are all to blame for this situation on this page.

Can we ever unite again as people who believe in You?

What we’re reaping is our rightly due wage.

Peace, peace be still, You said

As the waves threatened to overturn the boat,

Be still and know that I am God

In every niche and corner no matter how remote,

May the first stones thump softly to the ground,

May we give them our coats and cloaks.

Patch me up Dear Abba Father,

Send me not to share more anger and hate,

Instead Your never-ending love and hope.

You have me here for a time it’s not mere fate,

Nothing with You is accidental or confused,

Your ways hold no surprising rate.

Christ gave His life’s blood for our sins,

It was not a question of if but when,

From Adam right until now and beyond,

Man has covered fear and guilt with buzzing din,

Justifications to make wrong seem right,

From beginning until the very end.



Prayer for this Day


Abba Father,
My friends, this worlds humanity,
All who suffer are hurting deeply,
Physically, emotionally, spiritually we’re ill,
Some know addiction, fear, hate and anger still.
There’s COVID-19 and much uncertainty,
Vaccines, economic turmoil, freedom threatened,
O such physical, heart, soul felt sicknesses,
Heal us please Lord, if it is Your will.

Lord, people are
Trying to hold to You in all circumstances,
As basic kindness fades and evil appears to have control,
Throughout this world all lives abruptly change,
Lights are hidden beneath bushels flicker and wane.
Evil appears triumph, fighting for control of us all.
We have wasted opportunity in our history,
Now we are facing the consequences
Is it to late, will You save us Mighty God?
We know Your mercy is in range.


Running to You

Seems like the world is closing in,

Not sure what or who is wrong this time,

Not sure of who should win,

Or if there’s a winning side at all.

I will be running, running to You.

But, this I am confident is true,

When Jesus splits the eastern sky,

This daughter will be running to You,

I will run to You, I will run to You.

I will be the one running to You.

After years of wondering what I should do,

Every second it takes me to get there,

Is one less to spend with You,

I will be the one running with a smile on my face.

I will be the one running, running to You.

There will be skid marks where I slide,

When I reach the point before Your throne,

Throwing my arms up, my heart open wide,

Holy tears will flow down my cheeks,

I will have been running, running to You.

To worship, adore You and praise You too.

Yes, I will be the one running fast as I can,

How long I have hungered for this time You are due,

I will be running to You despite one leg being gone.

Yes, I will be running, running to You.




There are a few events that have occurred between our daughter and myself I will never forget as long as my mind functions.  The first time she called me Mama, out-of-the-blue with no provocation.  The first time she told me she loved me after I became her legal mother.  The day our adoption was finalized.  And now, when she handed me the poem below written as a classroom assignment.

My being disabled means we function differently than an average family.  Daily there are struggles around simple things and tasks.  Life would be easier if financially we could afford some things, like a better wheelchair, a roll-in shower, a handicap accessible kitchen and a way I could come and go on my own. 

Then there’s the pain and unending swelling of my entire body that means little I do isn’t painful.  Simply brushing my teeth and hair hurts. Fluid collects and to the point it pours out of any weak point on my skin and I soak through layers and layers of towels and pads, for days, even weeks.

A few years ago the doctors were straight with me. We could amputate the leg where the numerous infections and blood clots occurred repeatedly, trying to get above all the lymph node damage or I could count on the next severe episode ending my life.

It was a choice. A difficult choice. But we decided to go with the amputation, it gave me the best hope of seeing our daughter grow up. Seeing our daughter grow up was important to me but increasing the chances my death would not appear as abandonment to her was vital.

I’ve wrestled with my choice more times than I can count.  In private, away from our daughters eyes, I’ve questioned whether or not she is better off with me still here. 

I’ve seen her eyerolls when I ask her to help me.  Bore her words of frustration when my manual wheelchair won’t go in the car right.  Tried to disappear so I didn’t stand out as different at her school events.

Until today I thought she was ashamed of me.  Embarrassed by my disability and the unkind and hateful things strangers mutter as they witness my struggle.

Now I know, underneath all of her eyerolls, huffs, and pre-teen attitudes she thinks I am brave.  Which makes me want to be.  So I offer this prayer,  “Lord, please help me be brave, for You, our daughter, my husband and myself.  You’ve done great this far, let’s finish the race. Amen.”