Woke today and knew pretend had to be over,
No more escapes into my imagination,
No more useless wishes of rescue
Regardless of its orientation,
This escape hatch has to firmly close.
Lord, yes, the Lord Himself knows the truth,
He could choose to return the woman in me,
He could restore all the bits and pieces,
Yet He has said, "No," and let me be
And I watch leftover memories flow away.
Still stumbled through my day tripping over His call,
My wheels stuck between disobedience and right,
My wheels losing traction getting to the altar
Then I could no more delay or fight,
Today I have to banish you walking away in my mind.
There are many tears I cannot yet cry
Losses I cannot begin to understand
But the innocent are safe and protected,
No innocent blood shed by or on my hands,
Love unspoken, deeds undone, freedom gained by incarceration.
----dfav
1/8/2021
We are here Lord,
You, I and my failures,
You, I and my sins
Try as I might I can't go a single day
Without reasons for guilt,
Shame,
Sorrow,
Pain,
Products of my stumbling.
We are here Lord,
You and I the consistent prodigal
You and I the weak
You and I the fumbling
Can't go one day without wandering,
Straying,
Coming and going,
Needing to grow up
My history repeats.
We are here Lord,
You, I and second chances,
You, I and grace
You, I and mercy.
You Redeem,
You Love,
You Gather,
You Lead,
For this is You and I.
-dfav
1/8/2021
Inconsistent,
Afraid of yet only unseen possibilities,
Hand over heart
Terrified of my part
How will I stand?
Wavering?
Detoured from asking myself the question,
Hiding in case
I should see His face,
Hear Him asking me.
Ashamed.
Putting pen to paper to communicate
The question hanging,
Enough it has me crying,
For only You know.
Begging,
Because I know of the sins between us
For You will I stand?
Hold up head and hand?
Or will I fold?
Time marches.
The world grows crueler, harder
The end is visible
Man destroys made divisible,
You Lord are returning.
Rapture.
Until then Lord, strengthen me
When the question
Comes in a moment of great desperation,
Jesus or Satan.
Let it be,
Only Jesus,
Only Christ,
Only the Holy Father
Holy Spirit speak through me, "Jesus".
-dfav
1/8/2021
So sorry God, it's been a little while,
Since I was lucid enough to talk on these COVID-19 miles
Quite some time with energy to search for Your smile.
Best intentions mean nothing when,
Circumstances get you all turned around,
Even though you know grace has You found.
This scary illness, it eats at me.
Devouring me inside then out,
"This is not how I want to go home" I shout.
When food tasted like paste and salt,
Ears plugged up with painful fluid,
Eye sight faded in one eye, I wasn't lucid,
Not once did You leave me alone,
You did not abandon me or just let me be,
You Yourself sent Your angels to guard me.
Yet, You were always there beside me,
Reminding me whose child I am again,
No walking away from all You began.
Thank You Lord, for getting us through COVID,
Thank You for pulling me off the edge,
Thank You for Your protective hedge.
-dfav
1/5/2021
Because of my Father's love
I am - FREE
Freer than any freedom on earth
For others can lock up the church's doors,
Forbid worship,
Abolish gathering in Your name.
But, no one can force me to deny
My faith, for though religion falls
My belief in Jehovah soars.
It can't be taken from my heart
I can always cling to You,
I can still trust in You,
I can continue to believe in You,
Whole or broken of missing limbs
I can still stand for You.
For it is in Jesus Christ I am truly free.
Even when facing physical death,
My loved ones threatened, used,
Tortured, straved, made an outlaw,
My physical body crumbling,
In my heart,
Though tonque silenced,
Though eyes blinded,
Abandoned to slowly die,
Please, dear Lord, witness through me.
In my heart I still trust in You,
I still believe
And in Your time
Usher me into Heaven.
-dfav
11/20/20, 1/12/2021
Forgive me Lord,
For these thoughts are disobedient,
They are not in line with Your word
Not in sync with who You are.
They dance in my head
Fueled by basic human desires
By all I don't have and think I need,
Because I've been
Longing for that which is not mine,
Craving things, circumstances not mine.
Free me Lord,
For these thoughts are bonds of evil,
Links of a chain bred in disobedence
Forged with guilt and callousness.
Thick, heavy, steel links,
Welded together in willful thoughts,
Because reality is hard to face,
Pride is hard to swallow.
Longing for pictures evil painted in my head,
Craving tastes, circumstances rottening in my head.
Wash me Lord,
In the rivers of Your grace,
Flowing from the fount of
Your everlasting redemption.
Shine Your light to bleach shame away,
Remind me of Your truth
I see the ugliness of my heart in Your word
Because I chose disobedience.
Longing to live in Your love as Your daughter,
Craving home, circumstances mine as Your daughter.
--dfav
1/3/2021
I’ve been writing poetry since elementary school. It really took off in me when I was a high school freshman and had to create a poetry scrapbook. We were allowed to use our own poems as “filler” so I did. After that it stuck.
The thing about my poetry is it’s from my heart and I often write what isn’t “acceptable” when it comes to publication rules, grammer standards or what people want. Bottom line if you want something that makes you swoon over imagery, perfectly turned phrases and all the things that made e.c. cummings great you won’t find it here. The only thing I think I share in common with “famous” poets is having everything I had written for several years burned as “fantasy and out of God’s will”. (Thanks Dad.)
I do however, write about my “real life” with it’s joys, loves, sorrows, my mistakes and failures, Mama’s soup pot and a lot about my walk with God. The thing about poetry is the reader can read between the lines and imagine I’m talking about everything but what I am. That’s okay. I hope my poems make you think of similar experiences in your life. I hope they point your heart towards God.
You may not get “high brow literature” from my blogs but you will get honesty. Even if you imagine ugly.
O Lord, I'm feeling hollow,
As if someone or something,
Has drained me of everything,
Emptied, dry, no get up and go.
Yes, Lord, I'm feeling hollow,
I track it to confusion,
Maybe lies and plots infusion,
Entangled, enmeshed, wrestling.
Why, Lord in my hollow,
Is there thick silence creaking,
Though also so, so deafening,
I will stay here until You bid me go.
Fill my hollowness, Lord, my hollow,
Quench the dry and raise me up,
Until I'm running over beyond the cusp,
I'll be here Lord, until You're ready.
There's movement Lord, in this hollow,
Your Spirit has arrived at last,
Soon this hollowness will be in the past,
Fill me up Lord, fill me up.
----dfav
11/22/2020
Adult coloring book page from BE STILL and know that I am God coloring book, Christian Art Publishers, Images used under license from Shutterstock.com, 2015. Colored by dfav. Photo by dfav.
O come, come to that place in your heart,
Where only God and you come to meet,
He calls you to come and rest at His feet,
For His love for you remains steadfast and true,
In the "I Am" you are home and complete.
O come, all you faithful though long the road has been,
Come and choose now to adore your Heavenly King,
He comes with His peace, His love for you sings,
Come before His throne, He'll be with you there,
How the heart within you will peal and ring!
Choose now to bring your brokenness to the Father,
Choose now not to only see what man calls defeat,
Hear instead the Father's love and repeat,
This is not yet the ending but only the beginning,
Now, right now, is no time to tremble and retreat.
O come, all you faithful, this hour He reminds you,
Be like Mary, pure, faithful and true,
Like Saul, who became Paul and joined His crew,
Or the widow who offered all she had in the offering,
Put your hand to the work and give God His due.
O come, come to that place in your heart,
Where only God and you come to meet,
He calls you to come and rest at His feet,
For His love for you remains steadfast and true,
In the "I Am" you are home and complete.
---dfav
11/08/2020
The scent speaks direct to the soul,
Streaming in on a gentle breeze,
Fresh and clean and pure,
Unlocking hearts to free with sweet relief.
Aroma of first ever breathed air,
Sweet, but not exactly floral,
Cleansed, but not with bitter bleach,
Warm, but not so the heart recoils.
A trace of sea salt and ocean,
Newly grown grass and seed,
A note of beginning and sweet wonders,
Braced by hope and joy now freed.
It sings in lungs with eucalyptus and mint,
Designed, created, by the Good Lord above,
The smell of Heaven, truth and peace,
And the Savior's own true love.
The scent gives fresh life to the soul,
Vivacious, strengthened to the core,
Though still indescribable in human words,
With God Himself inviting, Come! Adore!
----dfav
11/08/2020
