It was a struggle, Lord.
To step up and bridge the gap
Between my daughter and
Her biological mom.
Doesn’t the mama pain role
Have some kind of cap?
It’s breaking my heart, Father
Easing them toward each other
Mindful once the ice melts
My daughter could hurt
More than she has before
Or again embrace her as her mother.
What if my child decides blood
Creates ties adoption cannot
And again nothing satisfies
She feels ripped away
Despite the fact we didn’t ask
Yet her views were ignored and forgot?
I hear them now giggling
Watching movies and doing nails
And a thousand knives
Are stabbing at my heart
I want to scream love me more
But I know it’s wrong and I exhale.
In a flash You remind me
How much you really understand.
How many times have I done
What I fear my child will do?
Looked back to the past
Ignoring Your outstretched hand?
I’m ashamed as I remember
The number of times I turned
Back to the worldly influence
Clung to the camouflaged lies
Of Satan and traps of misled men
How long did I get myself burned?
The best part of all this
Is the reminder to who I belong
A daughter, of the King of Kings
A sweet calling once again
To stay the course in troubles
And hear my Father’s song.
Though it isn’t easy
It cuts me through and through
I will lay down my heart
For a bridge for them
Because if I’m to be like You
Being selfish isn’t what I should do
Then the visits over
Life picks up to the song
The sweet sound of her laugh
Is shared with me again
She hasn’t forgotten Mams
And my gratitude goes on.
                    2/15/15
—Donna