Dear Abba Father :
There’s a grubby, grimy package
Way back upon the shelf
We both know I’ve been hiding it
Determined to keep it to myself.
I’ve hidden it all over
Thinking each place more secure
Then I find it always returning
And I’m left to feel so unsure.
Fact is Lord, I know You know
It’s people in my life who don’t
I hate to think of hurting them
Yet nothing I know says I won’t.
Simple truth is Sweet Jesus
I’ve given up with no will to try
Instead of my faith holding fast
I’d rather stay in bed and cry.
The pain seems almost endless
I’m locked alone as it pounds on
And where money could make it easier
All ours has up and gone, gone, gone.
I witness my husband struggle
Working full time at work and home
Though he never once complains
I fear the day his strength is gone.
So I’ve swallowed and I swallowed
Wound it tight as tight could be
Until it became so finely compressed
I could throw it out into the sea.
Then I felt the too familiar hurt
I looked up from my chair to see
That grubby, grimy package
Had come back to swallow me.
Since then I’ve tried all I know
So Your faithful wouldn’t find out
But it seems to be so dishonest
From rooftops I want to shout.
I’ve given up on a miracle
Given up on ever being well
Most days I long for Heaven
For it seems I live in part of Hell.
You’ve known all about this package
Known the truth in my heart
Forgive me for a faith so weak
That feels to be all torn apart.
Help me focus on what I can do
Be creative in solutions to my needs
Forgive me Father for my unbelief
Sow in me productive seeds.
Forgive me as You unwrap this package
Help me bear this all with Your grace
Each day let me be more thankful
For it’s in these struggles I run the race.
               Amen.              d.f.a.v. 9/21/14
–Donna