Abba Father :
Wasted and spent days, same with the nights
Always knowing in my heart things aren’t right.
Early in each morning as I rise
My whole being heaves a sigh.
I stare at the ocean, eyes on the waves
Sailboats and swimmers, me in my cave.
Sun is so hot and it’s too bright to read
Soon the pressure inside me falls like beads.
I see the door stands open to our room
Choking it feels like I’m assigned to my doom.
Then as the sun sets in the East
My heart feels ravaged by the beast.
Night comes slow then quick upon me
The tears in my eye won’t let me see.
You’ve not stirred from behind the door
Waiting patiently You stay there
some more.
I stare out the window where the ocean still waves
Can’t see it well though like I can in the day.
Just like You though it waits for me
Will I call upon You to give me strength to see?
Lord, I know what is there to be explored
If I wanted to deal with it would it I ignore?
Your voice calls to me, You widen the gap at the door.
I go to You quietly, sobbing, weakened and more.
How can I face You if I’m afraid of the truth?
When the depression fills me to the roof?
Please understand I can’t see a way through
I don’t want for things to be this way true.
Please restore me my laughter and joy!
Help me believe beyond what this disease destroys.
I can’t find my way through this darkness,
Comprised of my feeling so much less.
The greatest fear being my faith fails this test,
And how dare I question this and the rest?
Who am I to whimper cause I don’t understand?
When You’ve carved my name in the palm of Your hand?
Revive in me the spirit to try, try, try
The spirit that despite everything is still alive.
Can we sit here in silence for a while
Be my strength to cling to You one more mile.
                    D.f.a.v. 9/5/14
–Donna