Cottage by the Sea – Confession

Lord, I don’t want to be reminded

That’s why I hid the memory so well

It’s painful –

My cry for help –

No one wanted to hear the truth

Though I tried to tell them

To ask for help,

In so many ways,

Then came the day.

Standing at the water fountain

Swallowing one pill after another

How painful –

Remembering –

Forcing out of the blackness the truth,

My parents so angry to be embarrassed

To have a daughter

Weak in such a way,

I remember the day

My father ranted at me in ICU

While my heart rate spiked

His idea of help,

A disastrous way

Destroying it all that day.

My diary, poetry, short stores, me

Taken and turned to ashes.

It’s painful –

Remembering his “help” –

And later in mandatory counseling

When the therapist

Caught him listening to our session

While I embraced help

He fought it in every way,

Ended it on that day.

Lord, why?

It’s painful —

Struggling without help –

Believing I was weak I hid it

Both the depression and eventually

Getting professional help

Accepting the antidepressants

Clinging to the revealed way,

Fighting darkness every day

Yet I survived –

Help sought for

Even when I hid it

You did it

Saved me from suicide

In many ways

Through many days

Ignorance Lord the enemy

You made me stronger

Than they gave me credit for.

    d.f.a.v. 8/14/14

–Donna

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3 thoughts on “Cottage by the Sea – Confession

  1. I wish that people would understand that depression and mental illness are a disease and that strong committed Christians, pastors, doctors, etc all fight and suffer with deep dark depression and mental illness. It’s not because the are selfish and don’t love and trust God, it’s because they are at a place where they physically, mentally, and spiritually are unable to and they need friends and family to battle for them. Anyway I’m sorry about my mini rant. It just irks me that the church so often abandons her must hurting and vulnerable. I’m so sorry that at that time in your father was battling against you and not for you. *hugs* ❤

    • SueM, You are exactly right. Some church’s, some Christians, make it hard for the hurting and wounded to be honest, to seek the help they need. Many well renowned Christians battled & battle depression. ..Charles Spurgeon for one. Anyway, our response can make it easier or harder on those who suffer. As for my father, he was just that kind of man. But, my hope is my honesty & sharing can help others seek the help they need regardless of whether anyone approves or not. Thanks for sharing SueM! Always feel free to comment, that’s how we learn from one another. God’s best to you, Donna

      • I am sure that your honesty and sharing will help many people seek help. Your poetry and writing will bless others and help bring healing. <3. Keep using the gifts God gave you and he will touch many people through you. 🙂

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