Lord, I don’t want to be reminded
That’s why I hid the memory so well
It’s painful –
My cry for help –
No one wanted to hear the truth
Though I tried to tell them
To ask for help,
In so many ways,
Then came the day.
Standing at the water fountain
Swallowing one pill after another
How painful –
Remembering –
Forcing out of the blackness the truth,
My parents so angry to be embarrassed
To have a daughter
Weak in such a way,
I remember the day
My father ranted at me in ICU
While my heart rate spiked
His idea of help,
A disastrous way
Destroying it all that day.
My diary, poetry, short stores, me
Taken and turned to ashes.
It’s painful –
Remembering his “help” –
And later in mandatory counseling
When the therapist
Caught him listening to our session
While I embraced help
He fought it in every way,
Ended it on that day.
Lord, why?
It’s painful —
Struggling without help –
Believing I was weak I hid it
Both the depression and eventually
Getting professional help
Accepting the antidepressants
Clinging to the revealed way,
Fighting darkness every day
Yet I survived –
Help sought for
Even when I hid it
You did it
Saved me from suicide
In many ways
Through many days
Ignorance Lord the enemy
You made me stronger
Than they gave me credit for.
d.f.a.v. 8/14/14
–Donna
fvbf 
I wish that people would understand that depression and mental illness are a disease and that strong committed Christians, pastors, doctors, etc all fight and suffer with deep dark depression and mental illness. It’s not because the are selfish and don’t love and trust God, it’s because they are at a place where they physically, mentally, and spiritually are unable to and they need friends and family to battle for them. Anyway I’m sorry about my mini rant. It just irks me that the church so often abandons her must hurting and vulnerable. I’m so sorry that at that time in your father was battling against you and not for you. *hugs* ❤
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SueM, You are exactly right. Some church’s, some Christians, make it hard for the hurting and wounded to be honest, to seek the help they need. Many well renowned Christians battled & battle depression. ..Charles Spurgeon for one. Anyway, our response can make it easier or harder on those who suffer. As for my father, he was just that kind of man. But, my hope is my honesty & sharing can help others seek the help they need regardless of whether anyone approves or not. Thanks for sharing SueM! Always feel free to comment, that’s how we learn from one another. God’s best to you, Donna
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I am sure that your honesty and sharing will help many people seek help. Your poetry and writing will bless others and help bring healing. <3. Keep using the gifts God gave you and he will touch many people through you. 🙂
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