Funny Mama Tales

Mother’s Day is approaching and as I think of my own mother, who has been with Jesus for almost 13 years, I enjoy remembering the funny things she did and said. Today, I share a few of them with you. Motherhood needs a good dose of humor I find.

About Growing Older:

Mama always said, “When I get old I want you kids to put me in a nursing home, none of this taking care of me at home business! I’ve got plans for those old folks. Going around and trading out their dentures, wheelchair races, walker marathons…yes, straight to the nursing home for me please!” And she said it with such sincerity and with a twinkle in her eye that we knew she meant it, although I’m not sure either of us would have ever been able to follow her wishes.

Making Bell Pepper Jelly:

Someone at work gave Mama a lot of green bell peppers. Daddy didn’t like any raw vegetables at all, so she decided to make pepper jelly. Halfway through the next to last batch she realized she was going to run out of sugar. So she sent me off to the grocery store with instructions to get five pounds of sugar. My sister was sent with me. An elderly gentlemen pulled out of a parking lot and smashed into us. I called my father who came, helped me handle the police and sent me straight home, no stopping for Mama’s sugar.

Of all the things involved in that series of events Mama was mad over my not getting the sugar! Clearly she was tired, having worked all night and now most of the morning making the pepper jelly, but still we all laughed at how upset she was (later we laughed, not while it was happening) over the sugar! As if I’d had a choice of when the man would cause the accident she said to me, “Couldn’t you have waited to have that man hit you until after you bought the sugar?”

The other funny thing about that whole incident was that not one person, including Mama, would eat pepper jelly. She ended up giving away 12 pints to someone at her job that did.

On Having Animals in the House

We never had many pets growing up. We certainly never had an indoor pet. Mama always told us the good Lord meant for animals to be outside and she wasn’t messing with His plan.

The closest we came was with a beagle mix dog we named Bandit. He was just a puppy, taken from his mother straight to us, and it was still cold outside. Bandit was allowed to remain in a box that was too big for him to get out of during the nighttime. But Bandit, though good at whining for his mother, was unable to bark. Mama decided his mother must not have taught him how to bark so she would. She relished in teaching Bandit how to bark! She was a grown woman barking at Bandit and as silly as it sounds, either Bandit’s barking instinct kicked in or Mama was successful. (But the first time he managed to tip over his box he was banished outside.) Later though when Bandit would “bark too much” Mama would grumble, “I wish I’d never taught that dog to bark!”

Once all of their children moved out of the house my parents got a dog. Shay was a Golden Retriever and Chow mix so she was no little Beagle. Imagine our surprise when our first visits home we were met with the sight of Mama’s dog stretched out in the living room like she owned the place. Shay was an indoor dog until the day she died.

Going the Wrong Way

After dropping me off for classes at the local junior college Mama had to go just down the road to the bank. She had to cross a four lane divided highway. A very busy four lane divided highway. Mama got side tracked thinking about all her errands and she turned right into oncoming traffic. While people honked their car horns and shouted at her she simply proceeded to drive to the next cross over and get back on the right side of the highway. She didn’t normally make such mistakes while driving, and was certainly blessed at that time of the morning especially to not have or cause an accident, but once she got over being mortified by what she’d done she’d found humor in the situation.

Food Funnies

As a child she and her cousin both liked to take either soda crackers or bread and wet the cracker or bread, form it into a doughy ball and eat it. Why they found this to be such a wonderful appetizing food they didn’t even know but they did and Mama laughed every time she retold that story.

As a newlywed my mother decided to make a pot of pinto beans for supper. Now Mama was a straight “A” student for the most part in all of her studies but especially in Home Economics. But, her own mother taught her nothing about cooking and the Home Economics teacher didn’t teach them about cooking dry beans. So anticipating the delight of her new husband Mama put on her beans to cook. They cooked, and they cooked and she could see they weren’t getting done. Frantic and embarrassed, realizing they would not be done for supper, Mama took the pot of beans outside and buried them. She prepared something else for supper, imagining her secret was safe. It was, until a few weeks later when several beans plants grew up at the edge of the garden where Mama had buried her pot of half-cooked pintos! (She did learn to cook dry beans of any variety correctly and it was a stable in our family diet but the pinto beans story was always good for a laugh.)

I’m sure you, my dear Readers, have some funny stories of your own mothers. If you’d care to share, I’d love to laugh along with you!

ROFL,

-Faye

 

 

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