(From AWC-Part 2) “However it came to be, they wouldn’t be seeking a solution in a doctor’s office this they both knew for sure.”
It had been spring when Sarah and Kevin received the news that infertility treatments were not an option for them when it came to having a child. Sarah had held to a promise she was sure God had given her that she and Kevin would be parents, but not biologically. They logically turned to the idea of adoption and had spent the summer and fall months researching adoption. Before anything had become concrete in their minds though the Christmas holidays were fast approaching.
Sarah found it to be particularly difficult to sing the hymns and Christmas songs about a baby Jesus and His mother Mary. In her heart she’d believed that this particular Christmas she would be carrying their child. It hurt to put up the decorations when she’d had visions of doing so around a rounded tummy. She tried to cling to the promise she had felt God had given her and she tried to not let Kevin know how dark her thoughts were becoming. Doing so meant she spent a great deal of time praying.
She prayed as she shopped, as she decorated, as she wrapped gifts, as she cooked meals, laid awake at night, woke each morning and even as she showered. “Please Lord; please help me keep the faith.”
Kevin too was praying. He knew, though Sarah tried hard to hide it, how hard the holiday was for her. It was hard for him too.
Both had been surprised at the number of adoption agencies, for-profit and not-for-profit ones. Both had been stunned at the number of children in the United States who were waiting to be adopted. Sarah and Kevin’s hearts wept for many of the children they read about on websites. Sarah was repeatedly drawn to a sibling group of six whose parents had died in a house fire caused from their manufacturing crack cocaine in their homes’ basement. The children ranged in age from 4 to 14 and as Sarah studied their photograph she saw the weariness in their eyes.
The oldest, a girl who was dressed much like a boy, had a defiant look on her face that chilled Sarah to the bone and made her wonder what that 14 year old was feeling. As much as this sibling group called to them Sarah knew taking on six children at one time with such an age range and in a house that didn’t have room was not God’s will. There was no point in getting the children’s hopes up knowing the local Department of Children’s Services would not approve them for six children.
Christmas was a week away and Kevin asked Sarah to sit with him by their tree one night after dinner. He’d turned the tree lights on and lit the candles she’d placed around the room, turning off the overhead lights. They sat on their sofa enjoying the quiet of the moment. Kevin spoke first.
“I’ve really been praying a lot more about God leading us to the right child in the right way to adopt Sarah and I know you have too.”
She sighed, “Yes, but mostly I’ve been praying He’d help me keep my faith in Him and the promise He made me.” She paused then continued, “And I have to admit there is one issue I can’t get beyond Kevin.”
“What?” He was surprised.
“What if I can’t love another woman’s child Kevin? No matter which child God brings into our lives?” Sarah confessed her fear.
“Sarah honey, you have a mother’s heart already. Of course you can love another person’s child! Where did this come from all of a sudden?”
“I was looking at that website with that sibling group of six on it and remembering what their caseworker said about how their parents died. Kevin, their parents were dopers. They used drugs and they made drugs to sell. They endangered the lives of their children by starting that fire that killed them. Why do you think the oldest has that hard look on her face? What do you think those kids have seen? Experienced? It won’t be easy to love kids like that.” The look on Sarah’s face was one of panic.
Kevin nodded slowly and interjected, “We haven’t even discussed adopting that sibling group seriously Sarah. And they can’t help who their parents were or what their parents did, kids like them and others need forever families in more ways than we can begin to name.”
“Yes, I know,” Sarah said, tears rolling down her cheeks, “but Kevin there won’t be a bit of either of us in a child we adopt. Not a bit of our blood or a bit of our flesh. Biologically no child we adopt will ever be ours.”
“You’re right but we know a bunch of people who have been adopted and it makes no difference to their Father.” Kevin smiled.
“Yes, but I’m not God…I’m not sure I can do this Kevin but I don’t see any other way we can become parents.”
Across town another group of people were praying too. They were praying about how to help Kevin and Sarah.