“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
This scripture passage written by (most agree) by King Solomon is my favorite in the Bible. It offers hope in that it reminds me that time exists in our lives for all things – the good and the bad. It is also one I wish I’d meditated on earlier in the week.
I was supposed to go back to work at the office part-time on Thursday. However, with all our well laid out plans when I went in for my amputation, there have been some things we didn’t anticipate or that our “pre-solution” just didn’t work. When I went in for surgery I had 2 working power chairs & insurance paid for a manual. Friends helped provide a lift for the car so I could haul the power chairs.
Issues arrived with the fact that the Honda I love is made (as most cars are these days) of fiberglass, plastic and bare traces of “metal” so it won’t support the weight of the lift and the chair. This hasn’t been resolved yet. When Chris is with me he can lift the power chair (which comes apart) into the trunk & the seat goes in the back seat. But Chris doesn’t work with me so he’s not available when I need to leave the office. So next solution was leave 1 power chair at work and use the manual to get to car and into office. Problem: I lack the strength to wheel myself down and up the ramp in the manual chair. Solution: A rope tied to the deck railing and I’d just “lower” myself down using the rope and at the end of the day, pull myself back up. Problem: I lacked the strength to get up even with the rope.
Dejected and with some difficult conversations with our HR office I fell into a class “AAA” depression. I felt useless. I couldn’t return to my “life” & disability, what I’ve fought all along, seemed the only solution. Meanwhile while waiting for that to come through we’d lose our health insurance coverage or have to pay the outrages COBRA continuance. Honestly, it was what broke me.
I should have meditated on the scripture above. As friends and church family joined me in prayer God’s light pierced the darkness. I found chores in the house I’d been wanting done and found “new” ways to do them. Granted it too me 45 minutes to transfer a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer but God enabled me to do it. Yesterday what came to me was I needed to wait on God’s timing to return to work. I have 160 hours of FMLA left. When it’s time for me to go back to work, solutions will have been found. God just works like that! Meanwhile, this is my time to heal and I’ve got to live through it.