Washing out the Ugly


Carry me down.
Down to the riverbank.
Tote me in.
Right into running water.
Together let’s,
Pull all the ugliness out.
Pain throbbing,
Heart breaking over losses,
Red welted anger,
Over what-could-have-been.
Physicians blinded,
By bias ’cause it’s allowed,
Evil’s images of,
The good lost forever,
Well intentioned,
Rote words of understanding.
Empty hours of,
Loneliness and embarrassment,
Self-preservation,
Locking my heart away.
Heaviest feelings,
Of burdening loved ones.
Wash it all,
Scrub it all whiter than snow,
Here in this water,
Outside Heaven’s entrance,
Where flows the,
River of Mercy and Forgiveness.
Carry me down.
Down to the riverbank.
Tote me in.
Right into running water.
Together let’s,
Pull all the ugliness out.
I’ll ask for grace,
And for the ability to forgive,
For just a bit,
Until You carry me,
Into Heaven itself and,
Earthly problems,
Will be righted or forgotten,
As I worship,
The God who carried me on.
               dfav 8/30/16

—Donna

No Entry

Abba Father:
There’s been tremendous anger,
And I’ve wanted to run from it,
Tried to stuff it in boxes,
In my heart and declare,
“No Entry”!
It hasn’t worked.
In reality there’s more danger.

I allowed myself to indulge,
In naming off the losses,
And as the list got larger,
Resentment loomed greater,
Until my heart was consumed,
And there was no more room,
For anything but anger.

There wasn’t anyway to free myself,
From the ugliest facts within,
Years of fighting to survive,
To live longer, in harmony with this,
Seemed a huge waste,
Wouldn’t I be better off dead,
Than living with this stranger?

It’s not easy to “keep the faith”,
To surrender to death and dying,
And try to focus on God first,
When you’re drowning inside,
Or about to get caught,
In an avalanche,
Of loss, grief and danger.

You know you’re no Job,
Or Moses, Abraham, Joseph,
You’re only you and the situation,
Is unfortunately unfair,
And your loses clearly cruel,
Suddenly the God You love,
Feels like a complete stranger.

The result for me came to be,
A boarded up heart,
Stuffed with what I couldn’t do,
Leaving no room for the blessings,
No room for life itself,
Or gratitude for who You are Lord,
Only the darkest of anger.

It’s a sin, this attitude, I know,
And I am regretful it got here,
I accept my sin in this,
I feel the consequences,
Will You forgive me, Lord?
For wasting these days,
Being my own greatest danger?

Will You help me clear out,
This darkened, unclean heart?
Help me turn everything,
Over to You,
And walk again with me,
Seeing this through Your eyes,
Not those of a stranger?
             dfav 8/26/16
—Donna

Cottage-by-the-Sea, #14, 8/26/16 or What am I so Angry About?

Yes, Lord.

I’ve been trying to avoid You,
And yes, because I’m angry.
I don’t want to sit in this place,
Stare at that room,
Because You’re going to say,
“Open it to me.”
As You watch my face.
But, I’m angry, Father!

Angry about ISIS and terrorism,
Arsonists, murderers and pimps.
Abusers, cons, and paedophiles,
People who do evil stuff to children,
Every step that led me here,
Trapped for ceaseless miles,
In a situation I didn’t create,
But pay for DAILY!

I’m angry about the cost of living,
And barely squeaking by,
Moody teenagers full of defiance,
No rice or beans or fresh anything.
Mostly I’m mad because sometimes
There’s no alliance to rebuild with.
Only echoes of silence.
I’m angry and I’ll call you.

I’m angry because I’m dying,
And the situation is so unfair,
I’m angry at the pain,
That never goes away,
I’m angry at being left out,
Like a drowning rat in rain,
I’m angry, no God, I’m furious.
Does me no better to say it.

If one more person tells me,
How brave I am or encouraging,
I fear I’ll scream, “Back off, I’m mad!”
Hurting someone’s feelings,
Who’s only trying to help me,
Right now we can say I’m sad,
But we know I have to let it go,
But, for now, I am angry, Father.

                      dfav 8/25/16

—Donna

Ugly Coming Out

Woke up this morning,

Tired and in pain.

Sometimes this all,

Drives me insane.

Tried working through it,

Prayers to keep my cool,

Patience and persistence,

Get my teen off to school.

One by one it unravels,

Tears now burn in my eyes,

When is enough enough?

I’m screaming inside.

Am I merely existing?

Would you call this a life?

Every moment I fight for,

Wrapped up in strife.

Please, refrain from a platitude,

Don’t drum up a line,

Let me be where I am,

Even if I should whine.

What’s it like to be me,

I get you can’t understand it,

Just give me the courtesy,

Of trying a little bit.

Can’t do more right now,

The pain calls me to sleep,

Thank God He’s my Shepherd

And I one of His sheep.

                dfav 8/24/168

—Donna

Won’t Matter?

Don’t think I understand,

All I feel, what I hold in my hands,

Dare I to dream if my life’s soon to end?

Why bother to get better, is it a sin?

Does anyone have answers?

I’ve questions, that’s for sure,

Why is this happening to me?

I’ve no idea anymore.

As tough as this is I admit,

I want to go, You won’t set me free.

There’s always this hope,

You gave Yourself for me.

Quiet my thundering heart if You will,

Clear away the blinding cloud cover 

Let me know the simple truth,

Maybe it won’t matter when this life is over.

If I knew there’s a reason,

But, all I do is lay here and rot,

I can’t see it, not any more,

Is my future ended with these dots?

       dfav 8/23/16

           dfav 8/23/16

—Donna

From the Cottage-by-the Sea #13, 8/22/16

Abba Father,
The beach below is black and white,
Tremendously loud as waves pound the shore,
The fragrance of salt and fish lash out,
My heart cannot stand being indoors.
I wheel my chair onto the deck,
Clouds hanging low over the sea,
Only the waves and the wind make noise,
It sweeps inside and overtakes me.
A storm is only seconds away to hit,
But the wildness calls my name,
Into the howling rage I sense,
You’re calling me to forget the games.
Sin entered this world by tricks and deceit,
Man had free choice decide right or wrong,
Ever since Cain killed his brother, Abel,
Man has sang a bittersweet tale in song.
Tonight, here on this weathered olé pier,
You and I must surely meet and agree,
Of all Your creations surrounding me,
The sea calls most to set itself free.
Acknowledging first You as our Creator,
Praises rise from heart to lips to You,
You’re sovereign and the great I Am,
This sea nor storm frighten me it’s true.
Thank You for the God You are,
Thank You for being God, Spirit and Son,
Thank You for the love you create in me,
Thank You for the war You’ve won.
                   dfav 8/21/16

—Donna

God’s Call to Prayer

Abba Father,
This morning You reminded me,
Of what You want to hear,
You want it from them and me,
These prayers reaching Your ears.
It’s time again to pray for all nations,
For God’s children around the world,
Stay at all your prayer stations,
Pray on with praise unfurled.
For leadership in countries, cities and towns,
Some corrupt, greedy and even evil,
Pray for divine intervention abound,
Pray for them all federal to civil.
Add to that upcoming elections,
The candidates, campaigns and fights,
In countries where people have no selection,
Pray for the right to overcome might.
Abba, I admit I’m sick of it all,
The evilness, mudslinging and rants,
Yet Your Word gets me past that wall,
So I’ll pray and pray ’til I can’t.

                        dfav 8/12/16

—Donna

God’s up to Something Big

The streets are filled with violence,
Wrongs committed on every side,
A thirst for justice for everyone,
Disillusioned cries it can’t be done,
But, wait! There’s a rainbow—
God is up to something big.

Countries torn apart by war,
Innocent victims of terrorism,
One’s who’ve only known fear,
Who’ve hurt so much barely a tear,
But, wait! There’s a rainbow—
God is up to something big.

We may not understand right now,
What God protects us from,
Especially because our human eyes,
Cannot see where we’ve been freed,
But, wait! There’s a rainbow–
God is up to something big!

His fingerprints are literally everywhere,
His Spirit speaking to every heart,
Reminders of His promise to us,
How He loves us, oh so much.
See it there? There’s a rainbow,
God is doing something big!

                        dfav 8/11/16

—Donna

Who Are You?

When all you know is broken,
Like crystal smashed beyond repair,
When there’s not enough glue,
Or barely a fragment as a token,
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

The body you had, suddenly gone,
Broken bones and shredded heart,
A dozen monitors wired to you,
Time flew but it took so long.
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

Your spouse split after many years,
Adult children off doing their thing,
The house so quiet it’s terrifying,
You dissolve again into a pool of tears.
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

All the “in crowd” torments you,
Your project destroyed by “accident”,
You’re the punchline of every joke,
No telling what next they’ll do.
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

Heard again from the living room,
Raised voice and cursing too,
Then the pounding of his fists,
Call 9-1-1 and be here soon.
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

Somewhere along the road you took,
Your thoughts got twisted, ensnared,
You see yourself in another’s eyes,
It sickens you so you barely look.
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

Tragedy strikes no rhythm, no rhyme,
Lives change in a millisecond,
Or like a canyon carved by water,
A constant flow for a long, long time.
When that disaster falls,
Who are you?

If you can answer this, head held high,
Admitted mistakes and made amends,
Trusted God to make you a new creation,
You think you can’t but you can fly.
That disaster fell,
So, who are you?

                     dfav 8/6/16

—Donna

Comes the Son

These are the loneliest hours,
After bedtime, before dawn,
When the circle of muted light,
Can’t dispel the despair of night.
When pain screams loudest,
Evil dredges your heart to remind,
Your sins are purged beneath the flow,
But you remember, you still know.
Chains clank and rattle, intimidate,
Lying whispers calls grace undone,
Scriptures fight back in your soul,
Remaining true to God your goal.
Your heart reaches for prayer,
Calling out to the Holy Ones,
Life is a precious gift to be living,
Hang on and plan your gift of caring.
Lift up your eyes to mountain peak,
First light seeps at center rim,
In a matter of minutes it’s the Son,
Darkness for the time is done.
Hang on always for morning light,
Despair may leave the pillow wet,
Joy comes with His mercies new,
As day begins and night is through.
                  -dfav 8/6/16

—Donna