From the Cottage by the Sea 10-31-14

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Abba Father,

There’s a storm off the coast

Been brewing there for hours

Winds have been picking up

Seagulls surf on air currents

Fish churn up with the waves

I’ve sat here amazed by Your power.

 

High tide is rolling in

Waves beat up the shore

Seaweed dances onto rocks

Salt stings my face in the mist

Sand blasts the cottage rocks

Your power shows forever more.

 

It occurs to me Abba

I’ve brewed off the coast myself

Acting out just like this storm

Flexing my muscles showing out

As if it proves I’m tough

But You know the truth Yourself.

 

But, how can You expect a thank You?

This life isn’t what I thought I’d lead

No where did I foresee this and

Yes, Lord, I’ve been sad and angry

Like the storm off the coast

What warning didn’t I heed?

 

Then one thought surfs on in

To thank You in every circumstance

To be content with where and who I am

To be grateful for what I do and don’t have

To pray without ceasing for every need

Then my storm creates a dance.

 

Thank You Lord for where You’ve led me

For the valleys, the mountains, the waves

Thank You God for the time of struggle

For the darkness and the silence

Thank You Abba Father for teaching me

Surrendering my will is what saves.

 

Help me move on now Lord

To focus on the sun behind the storm

For life with You as the center

To cling to You while walking free

‘Cause this is how I live for You

And You give me a way to no longer mourn.

    d.f.a.v. 10/30/14

Amen

—Donna

 

 

 

 

Learning to Lean – Moving Ahead – The 180


“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart,

And good news gives health to the bones.”

    Proverbs 15:30 N.I.V.

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Lord,

Life for me would be much easier

If You could clear Your way to see

To grow me a set of handles

On either side where my knee used to be.

 

Since my legs are so heavy

Maybe also Lord could You create

Me a jet-pack no fuel needed hover craft

It would really be useful if we’re late.

 

With the way my legs swell

Perhaps an expandable bump out

On the car door to accommodate the size

Then I could go places again and I’d shout!

 

Since we can’t afford a handicap accessible kitchen

Making kitchen tasks and cooking hard

Could You perhaps just shrink and grow them

Until the money’s on our debit card?

 

Turning over and the C-pap can torment my sleep

So perhaps a solution could possibly be

To just lift me up and turn me over

Or some sort of a non-evasive rotassirie?

 

It gets sort of lonely being home all the time

But I can’t stand my chair for long to sit

Maybe You could find a way somehow

To keep this amputation up and fit?

 

Mostly Lord, in all seriousness, I plea

You help me past this season of grief and pain

Help me laugh when the tears roll down

And turn to You my peace to claim.

    d.f.a.v. 10/29/14

—Donna


 

Going Back to Move Ahead – #2

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Defined by roles.

By what one does.

The jobs…

Tasks…

To do lists…

Successes…

Failures.
<
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That’s all you know
Until…
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Even losing a leg,

Wasn’t enough.

Blood clots…

Infection…

Heart damage…

Lung scarring…

Spirit willing…

Flesh says no.

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No matter how you argue.

It is no…

 

You’re lost again.

Without a career.

Uncertain…

Abnormal…

Physically unable…

Home based…

Spirit wounds.
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Count your blessings.

You do…
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Still able to drive.

Mind works fine.

It takes longer…

You get it done…

Disability approved…

Family stands strong…

God has moved.

 

You find value in being,

His daughter…

     d.f.a.v. 10/26/14

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–Donna

Going Back to Move Ahead – Beginning

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That indescribable swoosh –

Belt pelting through loops –

The hard sharp slap of leather

    Doubled on leather –

Split seconds of cowering wait –

Then the sounds have no words…

Silent screams of a bewildered child

Trust forever always gone-

Angry demands to break a spirit -

Secret welts and hidden bruises

Some deeper than could be healed.

 

That indescribable swoosh –

Air leaving lungs no return –

The faraway kind doctors words

    You’ll lose it –

Shattered hours of disbelief –

Echoes of a belt and internal screams…

Just when denial seems to work

Surely he had to be wrong –

Sirens stretchers emergency –

Another closer brush of deaths wings –

No more choice decision made

To live meant the leg must go.

 

That indescribable swoosh –

Of stretcher wheels and scrubs –

Silent seconds while deep sleep

    Comes to invade –

Until the next invasion slams –

Horrific pain disbelief leg gone…

Determination life must go on –

Return to home and work –

A higher mountain everyday

But one God helped me climb.

    d.f.a.v. 10/26/14

–Donna

Invitation to Going Back to Move Ahead – Day 1

The next few days, or week, I am sharing the ugliest part of my disability. The physical ugly. The emotional ugly. The spiritual ugly. Some of the photos may be hard to believe or view. But, this is my life and walk with God. Come on in if you want.
Donna

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Private.
I value my privacy…
My right to not share…
Secrets?
Raised to keep’em…
Don’t tell’em…
Shhh.

Prideful.
Do it myself…
Ask of God…
Allowed.
Ask of man…
Weakness…
No charity.

Lesson.
I have learned…
Still so hard…
Yes I need help.
But the battle…
The scars…
No.
Until now.
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Come in…
It isn’t pretty…
It is real.
God knows…
I don’t want…
You to see.

But if you do.
This is it…
Partly at least…
My life.
Understand…
Imagine reality…
Behind pictures.
d.f.a.v. 10 / 26/14
–Donna

Right? Wrong?

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There is, according to society,
No right, no wrong, it’s but relative
To who you are and who you’re with
To push and conquest and what they give.
It’s perfectly okay what you believe
As long as you don’t share it with me
For that could cross my comfort zone
Where I am is all I need to be.
No black, no white just gray it seems
Endless oceans of unanchored ships
Pursue yourself your self filled dreams.
Forget the Bible or even etiquette
Throw out common sense laws and intent
Dance solo to the beat you choose
It matters not the rules you’ve bent.
Then when consequences rear their heads
How can society even know
The things you’ve done, the things you’ve said?
But God’s a God of absolutes
There is a right, there is a wrong.
Whether you believe or not
God’s grace is sufficient through it all
God works if you but give Him a chance
The world’s opinion is but a crumbling wall.
          d.f.a.v. 10/23/14
–Donna

Autumn Window

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The old stone wall stood tall
One of four a home that was
It’s history gives the passer – by
A quiet, gentle, insistent call
“Come home! Come home!”

The roof long gone decades ago
Weather and wear still hardly show
It promises passage to another land
It draws you, calls you, don’t say no,
“Come home! Come home! “

The questions in your heart rise
Why abandoned does this place be?
It’s stone foundation and walls
Having withstood the winds and sorrows cries.
View through arched window, “Come home”.

The window ledge by breeze swept clean
You lean against it, peer through the canopy
Of crimson leaves a lacy veil
The peaceful treasure gold, bronze, orange is seen
To see this autumn window view “Come home.”

The air invigorates the windows view
Your feet now stand where others stood
Someone who built a home to last
Of them now these walls your only clue,
“Come home each season see them pass.”

The house has stood a test of time
Though roof is gone and none live here still
The window it’s sights longs to share
Seasons passage views so often fine,
You hear the call, “Come home! Stay home!”
                  d.f.a.v. 10/22/14
—Donna

Cottage by the Sea 10/21/14

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Abba Father;
it’s me…again.
Oh Lord I don’t want to complain
Sitting here…
Well, I know, others have it worse.
Even though this feels like a curse,
It’s not.
All I want to do
Is fall asleep talking with You.
Feel Your Spirit cover me
The medication to ease the pain
Leaving me able
Simply to…sleep.
Too many nights…
Too many days…
Help me find Your strength
Hear what You say…
Not for tomorrow do I ask
Only for today Lord,
Only for today.
            d.f.a.v. 10/21/14
–Donna

Be the One You Are

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Be the woman strong enough to say,
“God says I’m more valuable than this and I believe Him.”

Be the friend to yourself loving enough to say,
“Let me reach for help and be my own at the same time.”

Be the mother aware enough to say,
“Not my children. No they won’t grow up with these memories.”

Be the wife wise enough to say,
“I love you but not your anger, your punishment, your abuse of me.”

Be the partner determined to say,
“I am ending this before I hate you.”

Be the woman I know you are deep inside.
The four – year – old child who protected her brother.

Who fell asleep in my arms assured
I would keep my promise to not let you get hurt..

Please be this woman.
For you.
For your kids.
For your future.
For your family.
For me.

But most of all..
Please be this woman I know you are…
For you…
For your sons…
For your daughters.
             d.f.a.v. 10/20/14

Abusive relationships of any kind aren’t right according to the God I know.   If you are the one being abused, the strength to leave is within you.  If you need help ask.
If you are the abuser, let go, get help, STOP.  Love is not being hurt or hurting someone like this…with physical fists or emotional, mental or spiritual ones.
—Donna

Who Do We Really KNOW?

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Can you love someone without knowing them?
Like the -
Person on the computer far away?
How many hours, video chats, emails are logged?
But, do you KNOW them?
Like the -
Person you vow to love forever as you marry?
The one you agree to love through better or worse,
Richer or poorer?
On that wedding day
Do you KNOW them?
Even if you’ve lived with them?
Do you KNOW them?
Like your. ..
Pleasant and helpful neighbor?
Who ends up on the evening news?
For some horrendous crime?
And when asked you’re shocked?
They seemed like such a nice person?
Do you KNOW them?
Truth is…
We see and know what people want us to.
Sometimes their good and bad.
Some of us lay to sleep each night
Beside our partner, our husband, wife?
And we don’t have a clue to who they really are.
Same with our children.
Sometimes sadly,
NO, we don’t KNOW them.
It takes…
Time invested in learning and understanding them.
Hours of talking and sorting,
Hours of questions and answers,
Through the glorious times
The dregs of life times
And the grind of daily life times
Loving through better and worse
Through plenty and great need
In good health and poor,
Then we have at least begun
To KNOW them.
Do you know God?
Really KNOW Him?
Have you consumed His Word?
Prayed without ceasing?
Allowed Him to change you inside and out?
Do you live by His words?
Are you His hands and feet In this world?
Does His Spirit reside in you?
Not knowing Him intellectually,
The history, the words in His Word,
The theology and doctrine but…
Do you KNOW Him?
Is He the first you think of each morning?
The one You invite every day to work in and through you?
Is He the third person in your marriage?
The partner in your parenting?
The foundation of ALL your life?
Do you KNOW Him?
If not…
Would you like to?
If you do…
Will you continue?
Do you KNOW Him?
Do you WANT to?
               d.f.a.v. 10/19/14
—Donna